We are sitting in the F Zone…
Family, Food and FUN (or, for some of us, Frustration — depending on your family dynamics and food situation!).
But let me throw in another F word to shift the mood…
(Not that one!)
Focus.
Our focus can make a huge impact on how much we enjoy the holidays — or don’t. And finding a focus that helps you navigate holiday conversations starts with how you communicate.
That communication begins with yourself — with your head and your heart. It’s an essential foundation.
Here are two practical focus tips to keep in mind as you head into Thanksgiving dinner:
- How do you want to be seen and known?
You can only do so much, but you are responsible for yourself and how you show up and interact. If you want to be seen as the “fun aunt,” for example, consider how you can bring that idea to life. Just labeling yourself isn’t the same as acting on it.
- Your focus creates your reality
If you are focusing on gratitude — thankful for food, family around you — you’re likely to find more joy. But if your mind is stuck on something disappointing, like missing out on your favorite dessert, you may miss the good stuff right in front of you. Walk in with the mindset you want to live out.
So when frustration creeps in, ask yourself, “How do I want to be seen and known?” Then follow up with, “How can I intentionally bring that to life today?”
Now, you might be thinking, “Great tips, Julie, but you don’t know what it’s like to talk to my Uncle Gary!”
I get it. The holidays often mean tough conversations. Whether it’s your favorite aunt, your “crazy” cousin, your outspoken uncle, or your overly critical sister, communication is inevitable.
Here are a few conversation tips to help navigate these moments. They may sound simple, but they can make a huge difference.
- Ask curious questions to show genuine interest
- “Tell me more about _________.”
- “What’s something new in your world?”
- “I heard about ____; what was your favorite part of that experience?”
- Listen to understand — not just to respond
- Don’t interrupt.
- Ask a question and wait 30-60 seconds for them to fully respond.
- Allow them to take the spotlight for a moment. Giving them that space and your full attention shows you’re genuinely interested.
- Keep it rolling — it feeds relationships
- Follow-up questions show that you’re listening and that you value their perspective…which builds connection (!).
- Mirroring is a powerful strategy—repeat a phrase they’ve used back to them in question form, which shows active listening.
- Summarize key points from their story to show understanding and keep the connection strong.
Holidays mean plenty of different types of conversations: good, bad, and sometimes awkward. It can feel challenging, especially with family members who you don’t always see or people who don’t understand what you do for a living. But approaching these moments with a focus on gratitude and genuine interest in others will make holiday conversations feel easier and more meaningful.
Good luck with those holiday conversations, friends. You’ve got this!
